One of the hardest parts about grief is that you can't change it, you can't shape it, you can only watch it and feel it.  It moves in waves, at times surging and crashing down, some times relentless and some times calm and tranquil. When you are watching the waves roll over some one you love, its true that maybe all we can do is offer comfort. Lavender oil won't take away the pain, but a few drops on their pillow might help them to sleep, rest their tired eyes, give them a moment to float when the waves are crashing.